Lesson #1.

I wasn’t feeling too well for the past three days. It started with coughing and I now feel sorta feverish. Damn I hate being sick.

Anyways, I kinda had a mini argument with Liven today. Well, not really an argument but I was upset with him over something small so long story short, he got mad at me for my very own sensitivity. Basically, it’s always my own sensitivity that got me into trouble. *sigh* It was just little argument which made him got fed up and he kinda stopped talking to me right until the time we almost went home. He even kinda walked further ahead from me. That’s normal when we argue mind you. We haven’t had an argument in a long time actually; even way before grandma’s passing. So maybe this time, it kinda affected me in a whole new way.

But what I’m trying to say here is that, I ended up not being upset about why we argued. It was when I was walking alone; it made me realize something. Something that I never thought I’d feel. I felt, lonely. It’s like he’s the second person closest to me in my every day life. Who’s the first you may ask. Of course, it’s my grandma. Now that she’s no longer here, I feel that my partner is the second person that I’m attached to. Because we face each other almost everyday, we talk everyday and we’re just close in every other way. It’s like family. If you’re in a relationship, I guess you get what I mean. And when he stops speaking to me that instant, I really did feel that I was alone. It made me feel really sad. And in my mind I was thinking, “Now that grandma’s no longer here, Liven’s not speaking to me, who do I have to seek for when I need a shoulder to cry on?”. It’s a different thing when it’s with your close friends. You get me no? Because your partner is the one who’s considered by your side 24/7 and who’s emotionally attached to you.

So what I’m also trying to say is that, I realized how much I missed grandma. How much emptiness I felt when I felt so alone. In those days, it’s normal that I always came home and shared my stories with her. Even when I had arguments with my own friends. Sometimes I didn’t even have to say a word and somehow, she makes me feel good in her own ways all the time.

So the lesson here is, it does take time to adjust. To learn to take things in, to learn things the hard way, to not get overly sensitive when someone tells you something for your own good and of course, to live life for yourself.

I am still learning and I am still adapting to a few changes. But all is good, I think I know where to start from now. Myself.